It's not a lack of discipline, it's a lie we've been sold.
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Reader— We've been sold a lie: “Consequences” are how kids learn best. Reality: They're stealing our influence (and stressing us out). There’s a way to let them happen naturally and HELP our kids. But we're conditioned to chase compliance so hard — making sure kids know there are "consequences" for behavior — that we miss the real driver of our power as parents. The thing that really helps kids:
But the way we've learned to talk to our kids is dripping in an "I'm going to control you" tone. Or we rush through their tears just to get to the "Please don't do that, you'll hurt someone" lecture. We've been misled to believe our children's "behavior" is the source we need to address FIRST with a consequence. We confuse fear with influence. Gah! That's got us doing and saying the same thing 156,000 times with NO change. 📺 I clipped a short video from our archive to show you how to rearrange your discipline (and take away the toy) without threatening, "If you don't stop right now..." Parenting is where systems are recreated or dismantled. We get to choose what values we pass on (mostly 😁). Most of us still feel the pressure to “stop the behavior” before it “gets out of control.” But that's the old system talking: the one that told us resistance = rebellion. “They just want attention,” they tell us. Well, yes, because attention is a basic need for young children. 🤔 Do you worry that your child's pushback or cries are really manipulation? It's another lie we inherited. Humans are more complex than that. When emotions are running hot, any sense of relief we feel after yelling, "You're grounded," when they slam a door, quickly goes POOF when the next outburst hits. A child's cry for attention is not misbehavior. It's a clue. 📣 Every time you stop yourself from punishing or controlling by force, you're not being soft, you're breaking the cycle of violence that keeps us from maturing and speaking up for ourselves and others. Boundaries aren’t about breaking kids down. They're about getting serious about their actions while still treating them with care. We don’t have to pass on the same violence we lived. True accountability requires our presence, not our shame. Remember, conscious, not perfect! Talk soon, p.s. Parenting Essentials is OPEN. Click here if you're done living with that pounding in your chest every time you hear your kids shout, “NO!” |
