The cost of distracting kids from their feelings.
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Reader! I was thinking about a question from a recent webinar. A parent asked how to help their child not feel rejected by peers who had excluded her. It got me thinking about how often we're getting in the way of letting our children process their feelings - especially when they need to go through something painful so they can grow. Why Distracting May Be Doing More Harm Than Good Knowing when it's okay to let kids "stress out" a bit and when we need to be a buffer for them can be confusing. When your child is upset, do you rush to try and make them feel better (or downplay the situation to distract them)? Distraction might sound like... "Hey, look at this cool toy! Let's play with this instead!"
"Don't worry about those kids. You'll make other friends."
"How about we go get a snack instead? What's your favorite treat?"
"Well, try not to think about it. You can't do anything about it now."
It's tricky, isn't it? But there's a better way to help kids deal with their feelings without controlling their perspective or inserting what we think is happening to them. When kids experience a setback or someone hurts them, it isn't always comfortable (for us or them). But it's crucial that we don't lay our own assumptions or judgments on their experiences. It's tempting to want to step in and fight for them or distract them to make the situation less painful. Here's a more sustainable way to build the coping skills they'll need to handle challenges independently (something I wish my parents had known to teach me). Have a beautiful week, and remember, conscious - not perfect! Warmly, p.s. Do you struggle to help your kids because you constantly lose your temper? My 8-week workshop is starting soon, and this live series might be just what you need. |
