[VIDEO] Trying to be conscious

Hi Reader,

Are you trying to be conscious - but not punitive - and wondering where the boundaries are? I'm so there with you! As kids grow and change, we get LOTS of practice setting compassionate limits - don't we? 🥴

Sometimes we put a lot of thought into what we want our children to be (kind, responsible, caring, etc.) but less consideration into what it actually takes to instill those qualities.

A recent Pew Research Center poll suggested that 94% rated the quality of "honest" as extremely important in a survey about "what parents want most for their children."

It's understandable. We want to raise good humans.

And while there is no exact formula to accomplish that, we know that "honest" kids aren't afraid to come to their caregivers when they make mistakes.

We don't have to be perfect (it's OK to get mad - and repair)! But if we commit to using conscious communication without relying on fear and punishment - we will lay the groundwork for honesty to flourish.

If you're still figuring out how to be conscious - but not punitive so you can communicate without control - make sure you check out the class I sent last week (5 Ways to Set Limits Without Being Unkind or Punitive).

And if you've already watched it - this 5-min. YouTube video will help strengthen your ability to change behavior without punishment (and understand how consequences are different).

I wondered what my teenager would say was the most important thing we did as parents that she's grateful for. After almost 17 years, we've had LOTS of practice getting it wrong.

So I wondered what we did right in her eyes. Her answer:

"You didn't purposefully scare me to get me to do things."

First, I love that she used the word "purposefully" because we're flawed people who have definitely lost our sh*t and probably, technically, scared her in the past.

But I know she comes to us now and shares her inner world - because she is not afraid of us.

We might not like what she's done.
We might need to regulate first.
But she knows we're on her team.

I didn't have that as a child. It felt like my parents were always against me. No matter what I did, it felt like a lecture, shame, and punishment were soon to follow.

If you find yourself giving more lectures than you'd hoped or punishing because you don't know what else to do, let's breathe and reset.

Watch this 5-min refresher on changing behavior without punishment.

You can help your young children (and big kids, too) grow their skills so they can self-correct, and you can focus on building strong relationships.

If I could be on your shoulder, whispering daily conscious communication tips in your ear, and it meant you would be able to strengthen your relationship without using fear or force - I would do it in a heartbeat.

This video is the next best thing.

No punishment doesn't mean NO consequences. I want to help you understand what our kids really need from us when they're having trouble meeting our expectations.

Watch it on YouTube here.

Until next time, I'm wishing you a stress-free (as much as possible) week with your kids and lots of teachable moments!

Remember, conscious - not perfect. Talk soon.

Warmly,

[VIDEO] Trying to be conscious - but not punitive?