What to do when you can't (or don't want to) talk to your child.

Hi Reader,

Have you had those moments where you know that nothing you say will be kind or helpful? What do you do to regulate yourself? Do you have a chill-out routine that helps you stay on track?

These are the moments I choose to stay quiet.

And by choose, I mean - continue to say all the really unkind things in my head as I talk myself off the cliff of ruining a lovely afternoon because my child was snippy when I asked a simple question.

Yes, I (mistakenly) thought striking up a deep and thoughtful conversation about her future after a fun (but probably exhausting and sensory overstimulating) birthday shopping day was a good idea. 🥴

Yes, I was wrong. I lashed out when she responded in a way that upset me. And she, being the quite articulate teenager, lashed back.

And then it took every piece of strength I could find NOT TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE.

And boy, I thought of some real zingers. Ugh. Not my best moment. Everything my anger wanted to unload on her was right there on the tip of my tongue.

But I kept breathing and used my self-compassion tools to stay silent.

Why? Was I going to ignore her remarks? Wasn't I going to address her attitude?

Yes, later. We would be much more receptive to hearing from each other AFTER we worked through our feelings (and maybe had something to eat).

I don't always like how my child responds. But it's unnecessary to JUMP on the discipline train and try to bombard her with consequences or lessons on respect.

The goals of conscious parenting are to:

• Know when to talk and when to hold back.
• Learn how to wait for the intensity of our emotions to pass.
• Communicate once we're regulated and feeling curious.

If you watched the 5 Ways to Set Limits Without Being Unkind or Punitive class I sent out recently, I spoke about the emotions of our children and what we need to do to help them get better at coping.

But what about us? We need help coping, too, sometimes.

If you need to figure out why YOU still get so frustrated or angry when your kids don't comply, let's do it. My Conscious Communication online course (with 12 live monthly Zoom calls) is on sale now!

I don't think anyone wants to feel like they're the only parent with a dysregulated nine-year-old, a teen spewing ugly language, or a three-year-old with no self-control.

Believe me - you're not. But we have to dig in and:

• Understand why we're so upset with our kids.
• Realize why our boundaries aren't sticking.
• Decide whether our limits are even appropriate.

​In our Conscious Communication lessons and live sessions, we learn to think of development as a step-by-step process (which is why there are no easy fixes, 1-2-3 solutions, or magic consequences that can rush maturity) and figure out how shifting our language can increase the cooperation in our home.

Learning to unlock the mystery of our own dysregulation is freaking amazing for our ability to cope with other people's behavior.

Let's do this together.

Your course doesn't expire and includes one year of live calls to ask ANYTHING that comes up with your kids (including how to implement a practice to wind yourself down during heated moments.) and a wealth of past recorded Q&A calls to learn from.

As for my chill-out routine... I'm starting off my weekend by listening to some '80s freestyle music (reliving my teen years) and dancing it out! I hope you do something that soothes your soul today.

Have a beautiful weekend, and I hope to see you on a call soon! Until then, please remember it's about being conscious - not perfect!

Warmly,

Freebies for You:​
​​Conscious Parenting Academy​

Conscious Parenting Classes
​Five Ways to Set Limits​
​Pay-What-You-Can Library​
​Conscious Communication​
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