Choosing curiosity over control.

Reader,

Did you hear?

Popular opinion on conscious parenting is out. We've gone too far and raised a generation of anxious, entitled brats.

Apparently, it's Gen X's fault. (Funny, we've finally been remembered, only to be blamed. 😆)

I'm not convinced.

If we've "overcorrected," it's certainly not because we listened to our kids' feelings TOO much.

If anything, it's that we forgot to pay enough attention to our own.

Too many of us jump in with empathy before we've learned how to offer ANY to ourselves, letting how we feel about the moment dictate our response.

This is what breeds resentment and makes kids anxious because they don't know what the limits really are.

We end up feeling defeated because we don't know how to handle OUR feelings AND theirs.

If we aren't able to regulate our emotions well enough to set boundaries without threats or intimidation, that's a call for us to look inward.

Why do we really...?

Demand
Give in
Negotiate
Threaten

When we feel frustrated, embarrassed, or disrespected, it's tempting to opt for the instant relief of a punitive threat.

Especially when the world keeps shouting, "Kids need consequences!"

So, how do you unlearn years of reflexes and deep-seated beliefs about what kids need so you can stay present in the moments that test you the most?

💡 Curiosity: a strong desire to know or learn something.

This is the exact opposite of how most stressed-out caregivers feel.

✔️ "I don't want to hear another word."
✔️ "I don't care! Do what I said, or else..."

But this desire to know MORE is the shift I made every time I entered a conflict with my child.

It's what helped me:

See her as needing support.
Regulate and rewire my nervous system.
Look beyond the behavior (mine included).

Curiosity was the anchor I needed to resist the ripple effect of the authoritarian control I learned growing up.

Why is it so important to rethink these patterns?

White text on black background that reads: A. A quote by A Simeone child thayt is treated with respect won't have to spend their adulthood learning they are worthy of it.

Watching America's slide toward authoritarianism has been a chilling reminder of why I started doing this work in the first place.

Because unlearning control isn't just about how we parent — it's about how we live.

It's about:

🛑 Challenging the idea that fear creates respect.
✨ Showing that compassion and accountability can coexist.
🫶🏼 Helping families build relationships rooted in emotional safety.
👉🏻 Pushing back on systems of control that create harm.

Many of us experienced intimidation, emotional harm, or outright violence growing up, and it shaped everything — how we see ourselves, our kids, and the world.

It influenced:

Our sense of fairness.
Our ideas about duty and obligation.
Our capacity for compassion, insight, and nonjudgment.
Our beliefs about worthiness and self-sufficiency.

Working through the layers of intergenerational abuse I endured under the banner of "good parenting" has been the most important (and the hardest) work of my life. ✍️

I still have moments when conflict pushes me to the edge of rage instead of reaching for curiosity.

But over time, staying connected to my feelings — without drowning in them — has made me more resilient, tolerant, and compassionate toward everyone.

It's given me the kind of insight I wouldn't trade (even when it's hard to sit with).

Abuse and relational harm will always leave a mark. For me (and maybe you too) —

That mark shows up as deep empathy.
And a sensitivity that feels like too much.

Living with chronic stress and self-protection can also leave your mental and emotional resources feeling like they're on life support.

Decades of cortisol dumps can blur your sense of self and erode your boundaries.

That's why I keep coming back to the inner work:

To repair and reclaim my relationships.
To remember my worth is not measured by my authority.
To remember that we all deserve safety and dignity.

When we allow ourselves to normalize:

cruel treatment
verbal and physical violence
ruling by threat instead of fairness.

We uphold the same systems of power we're working to dismantle in our homes and ourselves.

If you grew up in a high-control family like I did, you might be even more alarmed by what you're seeing in the world now 👀 and that much more determined to end the cycle in your family.

Authoritarianism doesn't belong in our governments, our schools, our justice systems, our places of healing, and it certainly doesn't belong in our families.

Let's keep talking about it.

If you set a limit and your kids don't like it when you hold it, don't blame them for being upset — get curious.

Expect pushback. It's developmentally OK (I promise, you're not raising brats).

🪴 What small step could you take today to choose curiosity over control?

I'll share more soon about what that can look like in the heat of the moment.

Today, just please, please, remember — it's about being conscious, not perfect!

Talk soon,

p.s. Need more ideas? My YouTube channel is full of quick inspiration, or check out this archive of past posts.

p.p.s. Don't forget you can get support when you need it in our WhatsApp community for class participants. Log in here to join the chat.