it's more than words. πΆ
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Reader - What's the most challenging part of communicating with compassion? Does it feel awkward or stilted? Huh? π€ Lori, aren't you the "Conscious Communication Card" lady? Yes, but because I grew up with a lot of blame, shame, judgment, and guilt, I know how hard it is to actually BE conscious. My gut reactions are not always compassionate, and I have to practice NOT saying the first thing that comes to mind and remember that communication is also non-verbal. Consider what you are communicating with your face and body language. If you're tense, then words matter less than your state of being because kids will pick up on your unease. Did you grow up with conventional parenting (blame, shame, judgment, guilt, fear, and punishment)? If so, you're not just rewiring your brain to be more tolerant and flexible - you're also unpacking years of unquestioned beliefs and social conditioning about kids and discipline. Be gentle with yourself. Don't worry about the words just yet. Old-school parenting - "tough" love, punishment, rewards, etc., might temporarily make us feel:
But it often leads to the exact opposite results. Kids become:
You can raise emotionally resilient children without fear of making them "too soft" or damaging their self-esteem. Here are some starting points: 1. First, practice releasing the need to control your kids. 2. Next, practice the "Reframe." Helping someone we think is purposefully troublesome is difficult. We end up putting the responsibility for change entirely on the young, immature child. This only frustrates us more! If you were a kid who was labeled as "argumentative," a "contrarian," or worse - then you know the pain of being misunderstood. β If you take the time to regulate your nervous system and then reframe your perspective before you speak - you'll be in a much better position to offer quality feedback to your child. 3. Finally, words that are helpful and appropriate will emerge more naturally. Regroup by looking for your window of opportunity. Follow your childβs cues to find the right moment to offer a new choice, direction, or activity. Avoid: β blame - "You're making me angry." β shame - "You know better." β judgment - "Don't be so careless." β guilt - "How would you like it if...?"β Try: β¨ non-judgment - "We're all feeling pretty upset." β¨ curiosity - "Tell me about your idea." β¨ compassion - "Mistakes happen sometimes." β¨ collaboration - "Let's figure out how to fix it." If you're trying to find the right words to say and getting stuck, don't forget the Conscious Communication Cards ALSO include examples of how to shift your perspective FIRST before you say anything. What to do this week ππ» regulate, reframe, and then relate. Words can come later. You got this! And please remember, conscious - not perfect! Warmly, β p.s. It's almost time! β‘οΈ Parenting Essentials, my one-stop shop for all your parenting needs so you can finally break the cycle of reactive parenting, is opening SOON! π β β Freebies & Archivesβ Level UP Your Communication Raise Respectful Kidsβ |
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