💡The reframe that saves our relationships...

Reader,

When you grow up thinking advice means criticism, it’s not always clear how to offer your opinion or ideas without sounding judgmental or threatening. 🫠

And if you were the “sensitive” kid or the “defiant" one, staying regulated and non-punitive while parenting can feel like its own full-time job.

🌱 I started a new YouTube Shorts series (also on IG) to help us reframe our kids' behavior, “Things I Wish MY Parents Knew.”

Watch and subscribe here.

Here's the gist of the most recent clip...

I wish our parents had known, or been willing to look past our actions long enough to connect with our motivations.

That they understood our behavior wasn't "defiance."
And compliance did NOT equal respect.

I also wish it were easier NOW to reset my nervous system when my own kid is sharing her authentic self.

(Because supporting our kids sometimes activates old wounds in us.)

But speaking to her pain or insecurity doesn't “permit” her to act out. It gives her the comfort her brain needs to grow. 🧠

Talking back
Meltdowns
Ignoring rules

It isn’t disrespect.
It’s communication.
Fear, dysregulation, or sometimes messy growth from a kid who hasn’t mastered the skills yet.

Behavior is a symptom. A sign. 🪧
A message that we need help or time.

I wish my parents had known that all of my behavior — all the times I talked back, screamed, or pushed back on their rules — wasn’t about defiance at all.

I was scared.
I felt unsafe.
I didn't have the skills or the words to handle it any other way.

But when we're rushing out the door,
and the kids are refusing,
asking for a different breakfast,
crying that their clothes feel scratchy,
or their socks are too tight...

Of course, we zero in on behavior.

It's human.
It’s instinctive.
And it’s exhausting.

💡Here’s the reframe that saves our relationships:
What looks like defiance is actually a survival instinct.
It’s the nervous system trying to protect a child who doesn’t (yet) have another strategy.

But we get to build NEW neural connections with EVERY response. Keep going! 🙌🏻

And yes, it's soooo much easier said than done, so please, please remember: it's about being conscious — not perfect!

Talk soon!
Warmly,

🎁 ALL PARENT Courses & Cards are 20% off this season. Hold kids accountable by modeling what good communication sounds like. ➡️ The fastest way to change resistance into connection.

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