What I try to remember as the parent of a kid that didn't respond to traditional "parenting advice."
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Reader, I came across a video talking about raising our expectations for our kids, and I had to respond. The woman (with 325k followers) said: It's pretty lazy parenting to say your child is strong-willed.
I’m going to expect my two or three-year-old to sit with me for forty-five minutes without a meltdown… to stop having tantrums every day.
Raise your standards and expectations.
Um, whaaat? I mean, I know this kind of parenting “advice” sounds tough and responsible. And when you feel like EVERY request is a battle, it's easy to think you're "missing something." Yes! We should have expectations for our kids. 💯 But simply "raising expectations" completely collapses with a basic understanding of child development. 👎🏼 I didn't stitch the whole video, but she essentially suggested that we stop:
When we start talking about two and three-year-olds, it really falls apart. Toddlers are still operating primarily from the lower regions of the 🧠 brain. That’s why I responded. Because we need to stop promoting ideas like this. There is NO one-size-fits-all parenting. If you're being "gentle" but still feeling drained and out of patience, give me 10 days to turn your empathy into action that actually works in real life. I wish raising expectations magically produced maturity. But the fact that one child can do something does not make it a reasonable expectation for all children. Our kids don’t want to disappoint us. 👉🏻 Here's what I try to remember as the parent of a child who did NOT respond to traditional parenting advice. (And why it's not "lazy.") Remember, conscious — not perfect! Warmly, Worried you're over-helping instead of building skills? |
