Why the words don't feel natural (or effective).
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"I feel like I'm acting. The words don't feel natural." Have you ever thought that when trying to be more compassionate with your kids - Reader? I mean, it IS a lot easier to say, "Just do what I ask!" π¬ Back when I was a young actor, we were taught a technique called "sense memory." It was this idea of using past experiences to elicit a "real" emotional response from our character's POV. I remember it wasn't always easy to recall specific events. Childhood trauma can significantly impact our memory, and I definitely felt that. π£ While my memory is spotty, what I realize NOW is that our "sense memory" is always working behind the scenes - informing our reactions and responses with or without our conscious awareness. "What kind of memories am I creating for my child?" - is something I think about a lot. ππΌ Do you have a favorite childhood memory? My hope is that I've rewritten some of my family history and created memories for my daughter that will literally "last a lifetime." So, what does all this have to do with parenting? π€ Our memories - even the pre-verbal ones - are influencing our perspective and dictating a lot of our interactions. Those flippant remarks that come out of nowhere when our kids are acting up? They're likely rooted in some past emotionally charged experience. βοΈ How can we expect to be mindful of our words when our minds are still silently judging our kids? βοΈ Our good intentions are totally at odds with our body's survival system!! βοΈ Forming a constructive response when your nervous system is shutting down all non-essential resources is almost impossible. ππ» And whether you're experiencing present-day stress or recovering from a strict or harsh childhood, it all impacts your inner resources and window of stress tolerance. If you're committed to parenting with patience and striving to model respectful language, but you're often triggered into a frenzy and finding it tough to implement the concepts you're learning about - there's a reason! ππ»
And if you're thinking, "Lori, I had a pretty happy childhood," - but you're still feeling irritated with your kids daily, it's worth some investigation! There are some memories - conscious or unconscious - that canΒ get in the way of us being the parents we want to be.Β β¨π Tomorrow, I'm sharing something to help. It's a project I've been working on for months to help you with this exact obstacle. I cannot wait for you to understand:
It's a big, beautiful guide to push you past your current roadblocks, and I'm excited to hear about your experiences! Check your inbox tomorrow for all the details. Until then, please remember, it's about being conscious - not perfect! Talk soon! Warmly, β p.s. Would it be worth spending a few minutes with yourself each day - if you could finally uncover what's preventing you and your kids from having a close, respectful bond? Yes!! Keep your eyes π peeled for tomorrow's email! β Freebies & Archivesβ Level UP Your Communication Raise Respectful Kidsβ |
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